Friday, June 10, 2011

Stealth Tips for Going Online at Work...

...when you shouldn't.

I don’t know about you, but I am ‘not permitted’ to be online while at work. This has resulted into hours of sneaking and boredom trying to find a way into the interwebs to satisfy my need to be connected.
At all times.

So I thought, I could pass on some tips! For sneaky Ninja like surfing to hopefully get you through the day of mindless day job tasks.

1.Don’t get caught. 
Seems obvious? Yeah, not so much. Just because you think you’re not caught, doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. I recently was pulled in for a ‘meeting’ where the internet policy was run by me again. Not for Twitter or Facebook (which I did scam) but for Weather Network and LinkedIn, sites that I would think wouldn’t be work inappropriate.
But I didn’t know I was caught. I continued to use, continued to head online and check updates until this meeting. Now I’m more wary. Still go online (it’s an addiction) but much more cautious.

2.Rotate Monitor.
If you’re lucky enough to be in your own office GOLDEN! If you’re not, this simply technique will help in keeping your free from awkward internet usage meetings (unless they’re tracking you – then you’re fucked). It’s simple too, just pretend to reorganize your desk. Move your in Tray so you HAVE to move your monitor to face away from any openings.
I unfortunately, am right by the entrance/exit. My cubicle leaves only one spot for a monitor which is a perfect viewing station for ANYONE walking by. Despite that, I’ve gone 1.5 years without getting caught online. Or at least without anyone giving a damn.

3. Windowed view.
Make your interwebs as small as possible. If you’re talking just on msn have just that window available. If you’re on twitter, minimize so it looks like a small section on your screen. THEN when someone walks by you can click elsewhere and what you were doing will disappear instantly. It makes less of a visual distraction than if you minimize a huge screen.

4. Type into word before typing into a web browser.
They don’t expect you to be typing in word, but they also can’t often tell the difference when walking by between word and an email. SO type all your business in one area (I’m typing into word as we speak!) and then past it later. When you have the opportune time. This also helps with spelling if you’re a fan of spell check.

5. Cell Phone Interwebs
This is all hypothetical but I can’t wait until it’s not: get a cell phone with internet capabilities. That way you can ‘go out for a smoke’, ‘get some fresh air’ or ‘take a piss’ and you too can surf the web on your mobile device. Worst case is they ask you to put your cell away. Just be sure that you do it out of sight, if you do it at your desk without reason to check at your desk (I don’t have my work email sent to a Blackberry and never will while here) than you’re a target for a rules and regulations smack down!

6. Company Website
If you need to be online at all, or if you can scam it off as [art of your job, just be sure to always have one of the tabs set to the company website. THAT way you can quickly switch tabs to the right website when someone walks up and say ‘Oh hey, sorry one sec. Just checking (insert Bullshit here) on the website. I can never remember’. You’re golden.

Moral of the story:
Don’t go mad at your job, but don’t get fired for stupid things.
Despite really hating the fact that they’re watching our office really closely for internet usage and violations of contract, blah blah blah, I need this job for now and won’t f-it up to post nonsense on twitter. Nor should you.

However if you can get away with it, JAWESOME!


  1. 1. leave ur mouse over another tab or minimize for a quick exit
    2. use an RSS feed on google to get all your fav sites sent to it, old people dont know what google reader is and will think ur on google
    3. if caught with something open, say u were sent it and just took a quick look

  2. 7. Pray to the FSM that your boss doesn't know you have a blog. ;)

  3. Alt+Tab moves you to another window. Or you could just install a tunnel that allows you to use your home computer remotely. That's what I did.