Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Gloom Void


That feeling we all have when suddenly everything sucks. There’s not light at the end of the tunnel, no hope, no more dreams, no more fantasies. Sunshine is useless, happy music is maddening, that break from work at the office has become a never ending waiting period and chocolate, although tasty, brings no sense of joyness.
I had plans to do something fun and exciting for you all today, but the applecart is trapped in the void. No longer just upset but silly gloomy to the point where it’s kinda silly.
Cheer? GO TO HELL! I’m PISSY!
I feel bad for those around me, but then I remember that things suck and the sympathy fades. SCREW YOU NEW GIRL! FIGURE OUT THE DAMN SYSTEM YOURSELF! GO TO HELL COFFEE MUG! I’M NOT CLEANING YOU NO MATTER HOW DIRTY YOU ARE!
Screw the world. Screw it all.
Gloom void.
It sparks every now and then. Moments of rage hidden beneath sullen frowns and stink face. You know what I’m talking about.  

(Stink-face:n, The face you made as a five year old when you were told ‘NO’ and you then responded with ‘But I WANNA!!!!’ And stomped your foot because that + look of your adorable face scrunched into pure distaste SHOULD be enough to make anyone apologize and give you whatever the fuck you had wanted in the first place. Plus more. )
The state of  voidyness prompts the desire for made up childish words. Such as ‘Numtee*’ ‘Stink-Face’ and ‘MEANY!’
*Numtee is beyond definition, know only this:  if you are thusly named numtee I am displeased. Or screwing with you: it’s a toss up!
So this is brought to you from the gloom void. Full of stink face that I am wearing. Sitting with my shoes off at my office desk because like HELL I’m going to give those jerks in Guelph the credits they’re bitching about. While wearing shoes. That’s lame. My feets (feet for those who don’t realize suckyness means things that are already pluralized become more plural) don’t like to be confined. Not now. NOT IN THE VOID!
I’ll leave you with some tips that may help you escape the void, or at least feign enjoyment while trapped in the gloomy gloom gloom that is suck.
1. Take off your shoes. They could be the cause of your gloom.
2. Stink face repeatedly. The more you do, the more angry you feel and the gloom turns into rage which can be taken out upon another.
3. Call someone and complain. Like demanding credits from someone who will OBVOIUSLY not do a damn thing about it. I do believe the asshats in Guelph are feeling as gloomy as I.
4. If you are being pestered (Guelph) Ignore the pestering pricks despite your professional duty to see to it the work is done.
5. Procrastinate by writing blog about procrastination in a gloomy state.
6. Put different shoes on and then TAKE THEM OFF WITH A LOUD ‘HMPH’. Just so everyone around you is now aware of your state of ‘meh’ and gloomyness.
7. Spread your gloom by making someone else’s day shitty. (could backfire if you are prone to guilt and are in a terrible state in the gloom void.Also, this appears to be a repeat of #4)
8. Tell your bf/gf/significant other/pet and get them to post silly things like !cid_9C18E047916B40F88A796FEF5AAC4996@COMPTAR
9. Go pee. Why? Because you just gigglesnorted from that picture.
10. Walk around your office barefoot (sock footed) and when people stare just stare back with attitude. It feels good. Trust me.
11. Take a nap. When you wake up all your problems will- no, wait.Sorry, wrong list.
12. Write a list.
13. SHRED THE LIST TO LITTLE PIECES AND STOMP ON THEM WITH CHILDISH RAGE WHILE IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR FINANCE DEPARTMENT SCREAMING “ I REFUSE TO CONFORM TO YOUR GLOOMY NUMBERED TASKS YOU PUNY PIECES OF PULP!”
14. Repeat 12 + 13 while doing 2.
Now use this list when trapped and you’ll probably still be stuck afterwards.
But, chocolate will still taste good. Even if your gloom forces you to pretend you don’t enjoy it.
P.S. I realized, earlier this evening after writing this but before posting, that Apple Cider is the cure for everything. Drink it and you will no longer be trapped in the void. However I still strongly recommend you take off your shoes.

4 comments:

  1. That dog's just CRAZY!!! Lookit the crazy eyes he's givin'! "You been lookin at my JANET?!" AAAAHAHA! *goes to the bathroom*

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  2. HAHA I knew You'd love the crazy dog. Everyone does.

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  3. THORN! YOU'RE ALIVE AND POSTING! I love it...

    ReplyDelete